Today I turned a new leaf. For the past few months it has seemed like I have been neck deep in black gooey slime. The kind that penetrates every nook and cranny that it can ooze into. That slime is misery. I let the circumstances of the world overtake me and take away my joy and my focus. Getting out of bed was an obstacle in itself. Finding joy in my family was an obstacle. Being alive was an obstacle. And the ooze just got bigger and bigger. It was affecting my happiness and it was affecting my relationships with my family.
For several weeks I knew that things needed to change. Each day I would try and the ooze would take over and I would find myself more miserable than the day before. What changed? I have no idea. I was sitting in bed trying to go to sleep and I began evaluating what I wanted in life. How I wanted my children to be raised. How I wanted to be viewed by my children and others around me and I realized that I needed a plan. I began to schedule my day literally hour by hour. First on my list was to get up early everyday. No more sleeping in because I always felt worse after doing so. Next was to set the coffee and then go walking/running. Then I would have my quiet time with God. I knew that to change my life and views I had to come face to face with God and let go. Now don't get me wrong, I have always been a christian. I am not the 'go to church every Sunday' type of christian but I do have faith and I do believe completely in my faith. I'd like to have a church in which I can completely commit to it's just that I haven't found that exact 'fit' yet. The church that I consider as my church is great with a great church family and great preacher but I still don't have that 'fit'. (and they have tried considerably so they are not to blame) I want to find a church that feels like home. So, I have gone around the point to emphasize that I know I need God in my life and lately he hasn't been first. That was truly the first step to my rebirth.
After my walk/jog this morning, I grabbed my coffee (which I detest but sorely needed) and popped my nook and computer onto my lap. Several months ago, I had downloaded a women's daily devotional that I never got around to using. I looked it up on my trusty nook and opened to June 26th and READ! The title itself was interesting: "Crowns Galore" Crowns? What am I going to do with crowns? But, determined I read on. To summarize it was about salvation and that it isn't earned by the result of our works but the fact that we WORKED. Then it listed the crowns:
Crown of Life: those who are faithful til death
Imperishable Crown: Those who deny themselves and run the race of life with patience
Crown of Exultation: won souls for Christ
Crown of Righteousness: who yearns for Christ's return
Crown of Glory: for the faithful and obedient minister of the gospel
Now I have never thought of myself as a rich person, (for God's sakes I'm a teacher!) but when I realized what it takes to have a crown I am sorely lacking! Instead of working for God I have been more worried about my own needs, my own desires, my own wealth! No wonder the ooze was taking over! It was time to focus my sights with God in the cross hairs. No more curves or pitfalls and definitely no more ooze! It was a fight that I needed to win.
I prepared myself with the word "You turned my wailing into dancing: you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy" Psalm 30:11 and began my fight with the ooey gooey slime. I am determined to find my joy in the Lord. It was time to reprogram my brain and my life and set my "default setting" to JOY! (thanks Barbara Johnson) Watch out ooze, here I come!
